That Time I Got a Mullet


This is mostly meant to be humorous except for this next part 😛 Had anyone told me that Minnesota has been staunchly democrat since 1976 – I would have called bullshit. Never, have I ever met such tightly laced, conservative liberals in my entire life. Now, I am from Colorado where most of the population is liberal so maybe my point of view is a bit skewed. Regardless, the whole Minnesota nice thing is complete bullshit, the state motto should be, Where the Elite Meet Sleet. And because they feel guilty for being elitists, they vote progressive. Why do I live in Minnesota? I have no fucking idea, I moved here for college and the thought of a cross country move is now exhausting to my nearly middle-aged self.


Now to that time I got a mullet which was this past Friday night. My fascination with the mullet goes back to at least second grade when, the year was 1992 and Billy Rae Cyrus had a bitching mullet. I had long, long flowing hair because my mother was a puritanical Catholic who didn’t let the daughters cut their hair and it was mostly a nightmare. Had my mother allowed me to have a mullet in second grade, it would have been the most amazing mullet ever, I would have gotten it out of my system and who would fault a second grader with a mullet? Fucking nobody. Who faults a 32 year old lady with a mullet? Fucking everybody. Since living on my own, I have taken many opportunities to cut my hair however the fuck I want and that includes a pixie cut, lady mullet, a shag, emo bangs – I have never committed to the perm because it does seem really damaging but maybe when I’m 80. So, my hairdresser asks me what I want to do and I said, I dunno. She mentions that modern, wearable mullets are coming back – and I’m like, well fuck me up. I’m thinking Stevie Nicks, Pat Benatar, Blondie – not so much the Billy Rae mullet (that I was cheated out of as a child) and she delivered. Am I cool enough for said cut? Most definitely not, do I still really like it, totally. Is most everyone else appalled? Absolutely. Like maybe people don’t think that I am aware of the fact that I have a mullet. People, I am fully aware. I’m welding on the weekends, this is my new aesthetic. Also, I’m not walking around judging everyone’s shitty, WASP haircuts and I would appreciate a little respect or at least not being stared at. Is that so much to ask?!

So to everyone in my life who is wondering, does she know that’s a mullet. Yes, it’s a fucking mullet, I know. I’m sorry the liberal hicks in Minnesota can’t handle it which is ironic since is there anything more hick than a mullet?!


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