I think we can all agree that there are some candies out there that just need to be retired. Even as a kid who generally enjoyed candy, I was side eyeing these abominations if I found them in my trick or treat bag. I used to consider the fact that as I aged, my tastes in candy would mature to some of these but they’re still the worst.
Candy Corn – Again, who is eating candy corn?! Quit it & perhaps it will stop being manufactured. These little, tooth busting, cavity inducing ‘corns’ are the epitome of childhood disappointment. Not to mention, extremely unhealthy seeing as how they are sugar, powdered sugar & corn syrup. Candy corn used to be called ‘chicken feed’ making it even less appetizing if that is possible, it was invented in the 1880’s & some jackass deemed October 30 ‘National Candy Corn Day.’ Are you kidding me?! People, stop eating the candy corn.
Good & Plenty & Black Licorice – I am including this as one entry because I am pretty sure that Good & Plenty are little pieces of black licorice in a candy coating. I think that if you love black licorice, you really love it but if you don’t, then you hate it. There isn’t a middle ground with black licorice, it tastes like rancid toothpaste. I’ve never tasted rancid toothpaste but I’m pretty sure this is an accurate description.
Tootsie Rolls – All of them, the regular ones, the fruity ones, the extra long ones (who thought that was a good idea). It’s weird because I have enjoyed a Tootsie Roll Pop on occasion but that squishy nougat is not a stand alone candy. They were invented in 1907, the technique that gives them their ‘unique’ texture was patented by its creator. 113 years is a good run for a candy, let’s put it to pasture.
Raisins – This doesn’t really count as a candy but I always ended up with at least two boxes of raisins. Did you have that one older person in your trick-or-treating path that always handed these out? It’s not that I don’t like raisins, I do but when they come in those little boxes they are so dried out & usually glommed together so you get a raisin nugget. No thanks, Raisinets? All day long. Craisins, yes. Mango strips, absolutely. Literally any other dehydrated fruit is acceptable but not those tiny boxes of dry ass raisins. A fresh apple? Color me delighted to find an apple in my bag! Reminds of this time when I had just moved into my very own apartment, I made these beautiful caramel apples for the kids I was anticipating & a mother almost slapped it out of my hand when I tried to bestow it upon her child. I ended up giving them a can of Pepsi which I am sure was equally as appreciated 😛 I truly did not know that it was not socially acceptable to hand out homemade treats. I pity all of the kids who never received a gooey, delicious, handmade popcorn ball.
Bit o’ Honey – Maybe I’m just not a fan of nougat texture because it’s the texture more than the taste that I find abhorrent. This is a honey flavored ‘taffy’ with bits of almond, it was invented in the 1920’s. The presentation is…weird…you can either get your pre-segmented full size or these little rectangular bricks about the size of a Tootsie Roll. Bit o’ Honey always tastes stale to me & the almonds bits add to that staleness, in my opinion.
As I am writing this, I realize that maybe adults just pretended to enjoy these candies knowing full well that kids wouldn’t want them? Being honest, when I passed out candy I would pick out a few things that I liked so that I could enjoy a piece or two. Now, I will admit that I’m a big fan of anything butterscotch which I have found out, is not a hit with the kids. Anyway, I stand by my ranking of these being the worst candies & think that there just comes a time when candy should be retired. Like those strips of paper with colorful candy dots on them? Can’t hardly find those any longer because they’re also the worst. Willy Wonka made those look way better than they actually are, I know because I asked for them as a Christmas treat once & was severely disappointed. Also though, I wonder if these candies simply speak to a simpler time when candy didn’t need to have a lot of bells & whistles in order to be indulgent. Kids were excited about licking crystalized sugar off of paper because it really would have been a treat. Anyway, what’s your least favorite candy? Thanks for stopping by 🧡🖤